THe Hard Work of Living Overseas

As a follow up to the last chapter I put up, I wanted to share with you a few of the things some ladies have said on a private group I’m part of that is made up of a few of us who’ve recently returned from the same area that we worked in. I hope you can see the continuity of the feelings most of us are sharing and journeying through together. I thought each reflection speaks clearly to the struggles those who have served overseas face day after day that I’ve previously written about. Moreover, the similarities are so striking- the lack of deep friendships, the shallowness of most relationships and encounters here in the States, and the difficulty in defining our new roles as we set out on a new path.

“Some of my current difficulties would be: the American timetable (people are overscheduled and events are just so SHORT! Missing the Central Asian lengthy hospitality. . .), missing our history - being known and knowing others, being part of a large staff which means lots of policy and less flexibility, the high cost of living here, feeling unsure of my new role and how I want to define it…”

“We each have our days of sadness and loneliness. For me, I missing deep friendships...and haven't seen "potential" friends for me yet, but I know God has them for me...My biggest prayer request is for Abby. She seems to be having the most culture shock and trouble breaking into a group. So hard to watch as a mother...”

“That would be my low point- along with the other she mentioned: the total lack of deep friendships. I miss the transparency that came with the "hardness" of being on the field, the dependency on each other for needs, etc...”

“Also, periodically waves of "homesickness" will strike me at the weirdest times. I was really enjoying worshipping at church this Sunday, but then a wave of sadness from missing KZ came over me from out of nowhere. I also really miss the deep friendships I had on the field that were built over years of life together. There are some wonderful and amazing women here, but it just takes time to go to those places with them.”


Interesting, no?

Anyway, onto a new topic:

I’m not sure all over-seas workers would agree with me, but for our family the hardest part of being on the field was getting TO the field. The process that most of us who chose to work abroad in our capacity went through is one that most who are sending and supporting never hear about. They hear about the excitement of learning about the country they are going to, the foods they get to eat, and perhaps the vaccinations they are getting for the rare and fatal diseases they may encounter while gone, but what the vast majority doesn’t hear about is the years spent satisfying various academic requirements demanded by sending agencies, both the local church and the larger sending agency, the painful process of pulling away from family and friendships, or the prolonged season of waiting- waiting until those said requirements are fulfilled, waiting until all the support actually comes in, not just pledged, waiting for a house to sell or rent, waiting for job situations to open on the field. They will likely never hear about buying children’s clothing years in advance; choosing and buying school work, which may or may not be right for each student 3 years later; and even the smaller, seemingly less important, stuff like Christmas gifts meant for years down the road and last minute thank you gifts for those who promise to pray and give.

Something surely those who don’t go will never hear about is the process of selection. First off, let me be clear, being an overseas worker is a high calling, and certainly not one to be taken lightly. The costs need to be counted (but as I’ve already talked about, there are some that are hidden and can’t be counted before leaving) and there are prices to be paid. Therefore, it is wise and prudent that there are those who will hold those considering going to a high standard and be there to guide them through the long journey of going. But for a minute, let me shed some light on what that actually means. Remember the title of this series is: “The Hard Work of Living Overseas”; but perhaps this one should be titled “The Hard Work of Leaving for Overseas”.

Any reputable sending agency will make sure those going out have the tools to “make it” out there in tough, lonely, isolated situations. I can’t speak for all companies out there, but ours made sure that not one or two, but several psych batteries were done on us. It was totally nerve-wracking to know that a psychiatrist would not only soon be looking at those results, but that you would be sitting across from his desk in an office with your spouse and be subjected to HIGHLY personal questions about everything from your free time, to thought life, to intimacy with your mate. Really.

Our personalities were scrutinized and categorized, our family was watched, and we sat through no less than 10 interviews over the course of 2 years. Every aspect of our medical history was unfolded, and some things had to be revealed that you would never even share with your best friend. Our bank accounts and financial histories were uncovered and put on record to prove that we were fiscally responsible and honest and references were gathered from all areas of our lives. Really.

Every door that opened meant that another had to begin to close on our lives as we knew them here. One common self-preservation technique is to begin to pull away from the relationships you have to say good-bye to, including family and long time friends. Although everyone knows it’s not for forever, (or was it?) the frequency of contact and dynamics of those friendships began to change. Instead of, “Hey, let’s get together Friday night”, it’s, “We’ll make sure to write often, ok.” (And only a miniscule percentage of those who say that actually will.) Painful goodbyes on the front end of our service were just as pervasive. Leaving a house we’d lived in and loved for 10 years was hard work; leaving behind our earthly goods except what would fit in 20 Rubbermaid tubs was hard work (it’s not so much anymore- living light is something we learned to do well.); and standing there sobbing in the airport and halfway to Germany because you just broke your mother’s heart was hard work. Really, hard.

Let’s talk about support-raising. Living on the generosity of others is an incredible way to strengthen one’s faith, but does it ever take hard work! Hundreds of hours were spent typing up letters, making informational packets, and making phone calls. Really, it’s much like running a business. For those of you who’ve started up a company you know how hard that is. Being well taken care of by God through others is VERY rewarding, yet can be so exhausting. Month after month, we’d wonder if there’d be enough to cover the bills, and feel the weight of the responsibility of spending every dollar wisely; and of course you can’t please everyone all the time.

Of course, we did make it out to where God would have us be for almost 10 years, and looking back I doubt I would trade any of the “hard” of getting there; it prepared us well, strengthened our faith, and helped us succeed in a unique niche created just for us for that time.

Until next time…. Go pray for someone who you said you would.