2 Ply Toilet Paper and Questionable Cohabitation

Ever tried 1 ply, and really liked it? I mean really, doesn't it just take twice as much to do the job?? For 8 years now we've had to succomb our most delicate little tooshies to paper that is really meant for other tasks, such as draining your freshly cooked chimichangas, or for blotting ink from your recent calligraphy practice. No, it has even sometimes been WORSE! There have been known be shortages of even one-ply in our city, reducing us to the likes of The Terminator. It has once been aptly dubbed "John Wayne Paper", and proudly rests on its laurels as the "paper" which could only be produced by a society that also proudly puts its old volumes of Lenin to the same use. (This is no lie, we had some ourselves!) The Terminator takes much abuse before it's even taken into action with vigorous rubbing and working- like a loving mother handling her latest batch of bread dough. After being seen fit for consumer consumption, the user then must decide, "Is this really worth it?" Other choice thoughts enter ones mind at times like this too, such as, "Do they sell those fancy French thingys here (bidets) too, I wonder?"

Ladies and gentlemen, I am here to tell you today, that we now have 2 ply paper for our hygienic enjoyment! No lie- 2 ply and quilted with pretty little flowers! I know my tooshie (okay, you caught me, it's not so little) probably can't enjoy the color or design the manufacturers would like to hope, but this regular consumer certainly enjoys the downright cottony billowyness of quilted 2 ply. However, I certainly doubt I will find much when I visit the village- for the dainty, peach-colored, 2 ply, quilted, fluff of Heaven would most certainly look dreadfully out of place in a 3X3 plywood shack with a 2 foot hole beneath it, now wouldn't it?

Now, onto more appropriate subjects- that of questionable cohabitation. I have a new roommate. He is rather short, and well, although I don't think he is too old for me, he is very much gray. I don't know if I'd describe him as handsome per se. He eats an enormous amount of food for his size, and we've been known to dine together regularly now. My husband is not jealous, he says it's about time something like this happened. In fact, we've been expecting it for years. He is rather a quiet sort of fellow, but at night he likes to let everyone know that he's in charge now! I'm sure you also know some folks that have a voice that just seems to big for their body. Now, if you thought that my living with someone else was just too much, wait til I tell you that I think he might be a SHE! Why just last night she? told me her name was "Liz", and that's short for Lizard! My new roommate can be very elusive sometimes, but next time she almost gets stepped on I'll try to snap her picture to introduce you to her.