Number please!

Another milestone in the development of people we live with!! Seriously folks this is a monumental achievement akin to the building of the great wall or landing a man on the moon!!

Do you LOVE your internet service provider? We don't! In fact, it gives us much grief, and seems that every week there is another burp in our service. It's either off, we can't log in, "unlimited" turns out to have a limit, you know that kind of shinanigans! Last week, it was the dreaded
"spit-you-over-to-the-account-management-there-must-be-something-wrong-page".

I really hate this one, because it is always in Russian or some other language that we have a very difficult time reading and understanding. So what it really translates to is-- put on your heavy clothes, clean the mud off of your boots, find your gloves that Nariloo has been playing dress up with, and haul your angry self to the phone company office. Yes, it really is that big of a hassle!

Okay, once you are there, you walk into a small room that the fire marshall would declare fit for about 30 people. My friends, this is not true! In perfect Central Asian fashion this room regularly holds 130 angry, frustrated, and completely and totally randomly placed human beings.

Let us now depart on a queuing tutorial for the less travelled. One enters an office, government building, clinic, oh just about anywhere, and scans the room. This is necessary to take a gauge of the general temperament of the crowd. One quickly says to himself, "This is going to be fun (said with deep sarcasm), and starts listing off the other things one won't get accomplished because you be here _________ (fill in the blank with approximated hours of standing- then multiply by a factor of 10). The next thing one does is ask, "Who's last??" Said party speaks up, then one must remember this face. Can I be really honest here?? After living here 8 years, I still have a hard time with this! I know, that must sound racist, bigotted, whatever P(in)C word works for you, but I don't look at the faces. I look at the clothes. Oh, oops, they are all wearing a fur hat and a black leather coat. Okay, I won't remember with that method either. So, one just tres to stand as close as possible to THAT person as long as possible to memorize their warts and bumps. Yeah, that's it. Now one must wait, and wait, and wait --okay you get the picture. Well, it's not the kind of waiting that you do at your local DMV or Social Security Office. Here older folks get preferential treatment, as well as those who scream loudest, and those who simply cut in front of everyone and go up to the window to "ask a simple question". So, the face that you memorized the warts of, may or may not be your "Forever Friend". You just have to pay attention----- in another language---- which is extremely mentally and physically exacting. I imagine it is something like running a marathon whilst playing Jeopardy.

Enough of that, onto the point of this post. We walked into our phone company office and notice a number board with red blinky lights!!! "WHAAAAAAAAT??!!, could this be??, " we ask to ourselves. Yes, yes, indeedy doo, it IS! A real number board that puts you squarely in LINE! You push a button on a contraption in the "vestibule" and then wait until they call your number. Might I even add that they are now providing couches to rest your weary flab on while you memorize your neighbors' warts. Could it be that next they will offer complimentary lattes and spiced chai?

Not meaning to completely ruin the luxury of basking in this revelry of civilized behavior, I wryly turned to The Water Guy and asked him if it would totally negate the whole interlude if I just hocked a loogy right there on the floor? They love to do that here, you know. It's like the biggest blob throwers win some sort of prize or something. Maybe today I could win us some truly unlimited internet access with no hassles included?